This is funny - I noticed it some 32 years ago in Le Monde and was so impressed I kept it. In the light of more recent comments from our leaders, it still seems relevant, somehow...
How Many More? (1980)
This morning's announcement of yet another application for membership of the European Community has aroused mixed feelings in Brussels. "It's a tribute to our success," said one Community diplomat, "and of course we welcome all democratic European countries that are willing and able to join." But privately he and others confessed to doubt. "Fourteen may be just too many for a viable community," mused a senior Commission official, "the extra burden of languages and administration may overload the boat."
There are broader issues, too. The Community's northern member States may be glad to see another central European country counterbalance the entry of the "Mediterranean" recruits; but France and Italy may think differently. Already, agricultural and especially forestry interests within the Community are alarmed at the likelihood of new low-cost competition. And while Community industry remains confident of maintaining its position, its spokesmen resent the prospect of greater demands for regional aid.
If the economic argument is finely balanced, political factors are more uncertain still. Although now a constitutional monarchy, the ruling Elphberg dynasty has long been under attack from the Left; and news of possible overtures to Brussels has provoked veiled threats from Moscow as well as disquiet in Strelsau itself. Only King Rudolf's and Colonel Sapt's innate sense of timing, in fact, makes Ruritania's application so appropriate today.
Pangloss, Le Monde, Monday 1st April 1980
Elderflower Champagne
Possibly the perfect summer drink.
Bring 1 gallon of water to the boil and pour into a clean (sterilised) container.
Add 1lb of sugar, stir until dissolved. When this has cooled down, add the juice and thinly peeled rind of 1 lemon, 2 tablespoons of cider vinegar and 12 elderflower heads.
Cover this mixture with several layers of muslin and leave it for 24 - 48 hours.
Filter the liquid through the muslin into strong (pressure resistant) glass bottles. After two weeks this drink will be ready to serve.
Real Fruit Squash Concentrate
Another refreshing drink
You need:
3 pints of water
At least 3 pieces of citrus fruit (the more the better)
1.5 oz Citric Acid (fine white powder)
1 lb sugar (possibly + 1 - 2 oz to taste)
What to do:
To make up for drinking, dilute with cold water (approximately 10:1 but experiment. I use the lowest ridge on a squash bottle as a guide).
Drink immediately, or keep chilled in the fridge.
On the death of Compaq (late 2001)
I was looking through my files, doing some housekeeping, and came upon a missive I sent to the Compaq Feedback program back at the beginning of 2001. At the time, Compaq were promising the earth, moon and stars to enterprise users. They appeared to be standing on the cusp of great things (or at least wanted us to believe that they were). Amidst this, a small number of people, mostly in the OpenVMS arena, were quietly battening down the hatches and preparing for the worst.
In hindsight, whilst it is sometimes pleasing to be proved right, it is also frustrating to see such great potential deliberately, almost unbelievably destroyed.
<quote>
Compaq seems bent on self-destruction. It has purchased its way into the enterprise market with the acquisitions of NSK, DUNIX, OVMS and Alpha. With careful marketing and serious development these offerings could place Compaq second only to IBM (or perhaps even above) in the enterprise sector. Instead, Compaq is turning its back on these products and betting its future on what it began with - IBM compatible hardware running Microsoft products.
Since the Compaq board seems unable to comprehend the disadvantages of this shortsighted vision, the (initially) unlikely story in the press recently suggesting that HP should buy Compaq begins to gain credence and rationality.
Capellas appeared to be capable of great things when he first took over. His recent comments about Linux and obvious lack of commitment to OVMS bring into question his competence to run anything other than a box-shifting PC clone company and even there Dell will eat him alive and spit out the bones (as they are beginning to do already). Valuable staff are deserting Compaq in droves in its service arm. Almost without exception when questioned, they state lack of commitment from Compaq Central as the reason for leaving. I should add that these are not always ex Digital staff. Recent arrivals are also quickly demoralised and look elsewhere.
If I had shares in Compaq, I would be concerned about my investment.
</quote>
Now, scant months later, we have no future for the Alpha, undeniably the finest processor ever created. No future for arguably the best compiler team in the world. IBM is strengthened beyond its wildest dreams (not necessarily a really bad thing, provided that it remembers the lessons that big Lou taught it).
It will be interesting to watch Sun in the coming months. They have the weakest processor offering in the 64-bit market coupled with one of the best variants of UNIX. If Scott McNeally can be persuaded to stop crowing over the demise of the Q, and concentrate on growing the business who knows what the next 2 years will bring.
The bottom line appears to be the ancient Chinese curse;
'May you live in interesting times.'
My Fellow Armenians...
Allegedly the first draft of George W. Bush's inaugural speech to the nation (with grateful thanks to The Economist)
TOP SECRET/GWB/Inaugural/First draft/For Consultation
My fellow Armenians,
As I stand here today, looking out over this magnificent viagra, I think we can agree that the past is over. Our country is ready for a fresh, bipolar approach. I want to bring America together. We are the hill shining on a city, and each of us can get to the top if we set our feet to it.
Americans have made their decision. They don't need sympathy; they need ablutions. We need to move beyond the petty armadilloes. Politics doesn't have to be the way it is today. We can make the pie higher. A high pie lets everyone put food on their family and their family on the table. That's my record: I side with the people. And the B-side of my record is Billy-Joe Gibbs and the Shoeshine Boys singing "Streets of Laredo".
(Music break)
A president has to think not only of himself and his family and his baseball team's families, but of all American families. I don't believe a president should be choosing who are the right Americans and who are the wrong Americans. All of us are together, white or wrong, black or right. Or perversely. That's why my tax cut is as broad as we are. And it will give our expansion a timely second dose of wind.
(Zantac commercial)
I say there's a cost to inaction. I haven't done the acrobatics, but it's probably around a trillion dollars. That's a good round sum to offer to everyone, especially our seniors, who are the backache of our nation. I would like to take a moment to mention my mother, Barbara Bush, who taught me to read and write when I was still knee-high to a lawnmower. We need our seniors to be free to pass on their life's work to those they love, and especially to pass on. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
(Applause; tears)
We know that America is the best in the world. We are the great super-premium; we cannot afford to be unleaded. This is still a world of madmen and mental losses. And mental loss is easy to underestimate. We need a sharpened sword to light our way. To quote Ronald Reagan: I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do something. And it must never run our lives.
(Exxon commercial)
The purpose of prosperity is to make sure the American dream touches every killing heart. Progress can be slow; you measure it in inches and feet, not miles or kilograms. Or cantilevers. I worked in Texas by common sense and plain dozing. I got on with small business, because I was one myself. I'm less now. But I'm also more. We are all less and more. More or less. And I believe we must match our compassionate hearts to our preservative minds.
I know you would rather be watching TV, and so would I, so I will draw to a confusion. My message is: I will get things done. I will inspire and untie. I will appeal to people's better angles. I will prove that politics can be bigger than you ever thought possible. We will trust the people we serve, and serve the people we trust. Together, we can do what needs to be done to preserve this great bastard of freedom.
Thank you, and God help America.